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The ugliest woman in the world

On invitation of the Milan section ADGI I draw inspiration from the story of “the ugliest woman in the world” to talk about body shaming.

Here's the story!

Mary Ann Webster was born in London in December 1874.

She was a beautiful young woman, working class, independent, who immediately started working as a nurse. She married at the age of twenty-nine to a florist, Thomas Evan, to whom she bore four children.

Life is a constant challenge for this family, including an economic one.

In 1914 her husband died, without leaving her an inheritance. Mary Ann is a widow, mother of four and a worker in the early twentieth century.

The time of her husband's death is in one the stroke of the beginning of his death: a metamorphosis of his life, much more profane than the Kafkaesque metamorphoses, but certainly united by the theme of the different, of the marginalized by society and by affections by appearance, ideas and choices.

On Mary Ann's face, the symptoms of acromegaly, a neuroendocrine disease due to an excess of growth hormones, which causes excruciating headaches and muscle pain and severe symptoms affecting the organs.

Mary Ann is the only source of livelihood for her children.

He continues his life as always, with a different face, with a body that takes possession of his soul.

Problems escalate and he chooses to make a sacrifice of love.

She enters, triumphing, in the competition for the ugliest woman in the world. Mary Ann's spirit is masked by that misshapen face, but the prize won feeds her children.

It was the age of the circus and attractions.

Having abandoned her face, her beauty and dreams, as well as her work, she is hired as a freak, first in the UK, then to perform in the United States at the "Coney Island Dreamland Sideshow", as a stage beast, where she continued to work until his death in 1933, at the age of fifty-three.

She is buried in her London. His body could also travel the world, but his soul was always that of the London where he was born.

No humiliation could be so great as to overcome the pride of having raised her children with dignity.

Mary's was a real case, in which medicine and the press became interested.

The neurosurgeon Harvey Cushing he even went so far as to send a warning to the magazine Time, denouncing an improper use of the deformed image of his patient out of pure laughter.

We are facing a 1927 body shaming complaint.

Mary did not align with Dr. Cushing.

These are his words to a newspaper: "It doesn't matter how others see me, it matters how I see my children and see them with the eyes of a mother's love".

Looking at it closely, Mary Ann's face almost looks like a Picasso work.

Perhaps decomposed, but imbued with emotions and love.

Here is my article!

Mary Ann Webster, the ugliest woman in the world?

The story of Mary Ann Webster, the ugliest woman in the world, touched me deeply.

To tell the truth my eyes do not see an "ugly" woman, they see a suffering woman who with great determination and courage decided that her life could not be a victim of her physical appearance.

In my opinion it was she, with her intelligence, her dignity and her ingenuity, who “exploited” those little men and women who participated in the shows to mock her. And not the other way around.

She was stronger than everything and everyone and achieved what her goal was: to raise her children with dignity. This is enough to make her a great Woman and a great Mother.

Her unconditional love as a mother has overcome all obstacles. The outer shell, on the other hand, never defines the value of a person that is always inherent in each of us.

It is someone who ridicules someone, especially for the body, who has no dignity and defines himself for what he is: a rude and superficial!

In hindsight, she was beautiful before the disease that completely disfigured her and she was beautiful after. Hers is the most important beauty, the beauty of the soul and it can be found in all those mothers who do everything to make sure their children do not miss a dish on the table.

Fortunately, over time there have been many advances in the field of prevention and treatment of acromegaly (a relatively rare disease, affecting about 40 individuals in 1 million, with a male / female ratio of 1 to 1), however, still today the human body is the object of insults and derision.

Such conduct today has a name: body shaming, which means "to shame someone for their body" and which is to all intents and purposes a real form of either bullying that of cyberbullying.

It is a very serious and deep-rooted phenomenon, a sometimes ferocious behavior and for this reason it must be fought firmly. However, I must say that, lately, thanks to the growing awareness on the subject it is less and less socially accepted.

It manifests itself with inappropriate and gratuitous comments or criticisms with which one insults, offends or ridicules someone for their physical appearance.

These are deplorable practices that make those who suffer them feel very bad and that have always existed but which today are repeated 24 hours a day and have a greater sounding board due to social media.

Practically the victim is chosen from among those who do not fall within the rigid canons imposed on us by TV or glossy magazines and systematically and repeatedly teased, both in reality and online, for his appearance or some physical disability.

The impact on those who suffer it is certainly devastating: the victim can develop depressive pathologies and suicidal thoughts, self-injurious behaviors, may not want to go out or go to work or school, thinks they are worthless, feels rejected and for the adolescents, especially the most sensitive, this represents a real nightmare.

The goal of body shaming is to make the victims less sure of themselves.

But why?

The reasons for the behavior of the attackers they are the same ones that push bullies: these are trivial reasons: essentially the search for visibility and the need to attract attention to oneself. It is clear that these are non-empathic, frustrated and envious people.

The perpetrator of the attack does not think that on the other side of the screen there is a real person, in flesh and blood, with emotions and feelings suffering. The screen de-accuses the perpetrator of the actions, makes him feel protected but in reality exposes him to possible crimes.

From a survey by Skuola.net it emerges that almost 9 out of 10 teenagers have suffered body shaming at least once in a lifetime. In fact, this phenomenon most severely affects End of Form especially teenagers at least for two reasons:

  1.  the first is related to the physiological insecurity about one's own psychic and physical identity due to the body that changes, sometimes rapidly, and for every adolescent to be accepted, as it is, is fundamental. They often struggle to accept themselves ...
  2. The second reason is that they are always connected to the internet, maybe they have multiple profiles, they confuse the real with the virtual, for them being "followed" on social networks and accepted is a symbol of value.

It is therefore easy to imagine how potentially devastating it is for a teenager to find himself insulted or mocked on a social network.

This reprehensible practice, in fact, materializes by making the victim evidently embarrassed with insults, vulgarity, allusions, sarcasms, double entenders and even insults.

However, the victim of body shaming can be anyone, regardless of gender and age and for any particular: from hair color to braces to teeth, from eyeglasses to tattoos, from height to build.

Therefore, such conduct can affect both women and men, both young and old.

Women are often targeted for tummy, lower back, weight, men for musculature, teens for clothing, skin blemishes, and so on.

This is because web and television channels offer us models with a sculptural physique, perfect bodies, which never age,

An unparalleled comparison that almost always generates dissatisfaction, disappointment And frustration especially among teenagers.

But is it really so? Do these perfect bodies really exist without wrinkles or cellulite? Or is it all a fiction? Here I would like to make two considerations:

1) perfection does not exist and does not even exist among characters who have a certain popularity.

2) We don't have to ask anyone's permission to be accepted as we are. Each person is unique and this makes them special.

We must never stop at appearances, we must be aware that those perfect physicists we yearn for so often are the result of filters, lights, photoshop, retouching and so on.

This alone would be enough to make it clear to those with low self-esteem that it is only a fake world.

However, reality is ignored and people prefer to suffer thinking they are not perfect.

To counter this phenomenon, many celebrities they have decided not to be judged on their physical appearance e they publicly "denounced" episodes of body shaming.

Their forms were almost always under attack.

You will remember "the important leg" of Emma Marrone and the attacks of the haters on Vanessa Incontrada because she played sports and according to "keyboard lions" a beautiful woman does not have to do anything to stay healthy.

This is why real movements are forming that aim atacceptance of himself (body neutrality), that is to say the desire to no longer associate happiness with one's body but to live the relationship with oneself more calmly.

What I would like adolescents to understand is that the value of a person does not pass either from the body or from the relationship one has with it, but from the person as a whole.

And I believe that the imperfections that a body, female and male, can have, should not be the subject of discussion. Never.

Unfortunately, however, there are many victims and the phenomenon, still underestimated, is transversal: it exists in the north as well as in the south, between rich and poor, adolescents or adult women. Potentially, anyone can be a victim because they are too plump or too thin or too tall or too short.

Obviously this phenomenon causes in the victims a whirlwind of emotions (ranging from momentary discomfort to much more serious situations) and states of anxiety, anguish, shame, anger as well as the fear of being rejected and not accepted.

In some cases the bullied become ill with anorexia and bulimia, in more dramatic cases the victims commit suicide, because they are unable to accept their own body or because they can no longer bear to be publicly offended.

The body, the appearance, become so important that they do not even take into consideration what really matters, namely the character, talent and intelligence of the person.

In any case, it is possible to face body shaming, indeed it must.

Although, at the moment, there are no specific laws yet, in some cases body shaming can be configured as a crime. In particular, we can talk about:

Defamation: which consists in damaging the reputation of a person through public offenses and disrespectful comments said in the absence of the victim and come to the attention of at least two people.

If the insults on the physical appearance are made through the use of social network, the defamation Sara aggravated.
In sentence no. 50 of January 2, 2017, the Court states:

the dissemination of a defamatory message through the use of a facebook bulletin board integrates a hypothesis of aggravated defamation pursuant to art. 595 third paragraph of the cod. penal., since it is a conduct potentially capable of reaching an indeterminate or in any case quantitatively appreciable number of people; [...] thus expanding and aggravating the dissemination capacity of the message damaging the reputation of the injured person, as is ordinarily verified through the bulletin boards of social networks, destined for common experience to be consulted by a potentially indeterminate number of people, according to the logic and function of the telematic communication and sharing tool

In this case, the penalty is imprisonment from six months to three years, or a fine of not less than 516 euros.

Stalking: it occurs when this behavior is carried on for a long time, with conducts suitable to create in the victim a state of persistent anxiety or fear pushing her to change her lifestyle habits (for example, not to leave her home out of shame or not to frequent certain environments for fear of being insulted).

To protect oneself, it is necessary to report to the Police what is happening bringing evidence, such as screenshots of the disparaging comments.

Finally, in the most serious episodes, body shaming can integrate the crime of instigating or assisting suicide.

If you find yourself in one of these cases, you can lodge a complaint with the competent authority and whether the investigation will lead to the perpetrator being indicted the victim can become a civil party and seek compensation for damages.

Another way to protect yourself, if the offenses take place on the web, is to use the tools provided by law against cyberbullying.

In particular, it will be possible to:

• to ask the obscuring of websites on which body shaming takes place;

• Do complaint to the Privacy Guarantor;

• Do reporting to parents of the cyberbully;

• to ask the warning of the commissioner, in the event that body shaming also constitutes a crime.

In January 2020 the then deputy Filippo Sensi told his personal experience in the classroom and moved everyone. On that occasion, the House approved the bill against body shaming and fat shaming with 234 votes in favor. This document includes 8 articles that represent an extension of the cyberbullying law, passed in 2017.

Finally, the creation by the Ministry of a e-learning platform for teachers, aimed at adopting anti-bullying strategies and was also activated a number assistance telephone free active 24 hours a day (114) and aanti-violence app to allow victims to receive listening and support.

These are important defense tools provided for by the cyberbullying law and also used for body shaming. One of the most effective ways of dealing with body shaming, however, is prevention.

The hope is that awareness-raising on the issue can serve and that victims can receive ever greater support from both a social and legal point of view.

For a good "defense" it would also be useful to recover one's own self-esteem, love yourself and your body. In the most delicate cases, turning to professionals in the sector, such as dieticians and psychotherapists who can help you find a peaceful and healthy relationship with your body could make the difference. Comparison with others shouldn't exist, surely no one should feel inferior. The ideal of beauty cannot be limited only by the words "beautiful" or "ugly", instead there are different shades and each one is beautiful in its own way.

Critics lack self-esteem, don't accept themselves and are often frustrated and need to take the time to criticize and hurt others.
We must not emphasize the value of social media and instead remain in close contact with reality, with the network - not virtual - of our friends, work colleagues, family members, people to whom we are authentically linked.

It may seem trivial but self-esteem is important in every area of our life: at school, at work, in relationships, in sports, on an aesthetic level, and so on. It is the value we give to ourselves and it does not only concern the physical aspect but also the abilities and the achievement of objectives. If you think you have little, you simply have to work on yourself because it can be acquired or improved and can vary both in contexts and over time and it is always important for our well-being to try to improve it.

For example, we must pay attention to the language used in describing ourselves, we must never judge ourselves severely but treat ourselves as we would treat a loved one and understand that certain things are fine as they are, simply for being part of us.

I suggest, for example, to be gratified for the goals achieved and to surround yourself with real people who know how to appreciate us.

Obviously the body shaming it is a complex phenomenon and requires action on many fronts, from the educational one to the relational one to the legal one. Another important front is that of information.

Finally, without demonizing the use of social media, it is important to cultivate interests and passions capable of fertilizing one's inner world and, as I often say, it would also be necessary to regulate and standardize theaccess to online by minors, starting with families who  they should care more the consequences of digital to which their children are exposed every day.

Click on the link below to read my previous article: